If you have ever worked in a grocery store then you know all about coworkers calling in. It happens in every job, but in grocery, there truly is the Friday and Saturday sickness. When I did my time at Walmart we had this woman named Jessica who constantly called in if she was working a Friday evening or Saturday morning. The problem became so bad that we started avoiding scheduling her for Fridays or Saturdays. To which she complained that she was not getting hours!

               Here are a few of my favorite excuses she gave for calling in every single week.

   1. My grandma died: Normally this would be a really sad moment in one’s life, but over the four months that Jessica worked for us apparently all seven of her grandmas had passed away on Fridays or Saturdays. What a shame.

2. (cough cough, I am too sick cough cough) I do not think I have ever seen anybody consistently getting sick every Friday or Saturday. She should really contact the CDC maybe they could do some experiments on her to determine why she is always getting sick on weekends?

3. I Got Lice: For someone who was always prim and proper, she also seemed to get lice all the time, at least twice she called in stating that she had lice and did not want to share it with other coworkers. How kind and thoughtful of her to think about us.

4. My car broke down: For someone whose daddy had bought them a brand new Toyota she sure did have problems with that brand new car; Far more than my 12-year-old Jetta. Her brand new right off the lot Toyota always seemed to have problems starting. Maybe there was a recall that she did not know about.

5. I just found out I am pregnant: This woman seemed to find out she was pregnant about once a month, then would never bring it up again until she found out the next month she was pregnant again. Maybe it is early onset Alzheimer’s disease. She clearly has problems remembering that she already told us she was pregnant.

6. I cannot find my phone: Another problem with her memory, as the number she was always calling in from was her cell phone. The same phone that she apparently could not find, and therefore she would be unable to come to work.

 7. I am on my period: Okay so in fairness I guess I can understand this one if it were true, but last time I went to A&P a period did not last three weeks straight! Even still I would imagine most women simply suck it up and go about their days, she must have just not been feeling well enough to work, as on the third week our store manager found out she went to a party that night via Facebook!