In continuing with the theme of not giving a damn about my language on the site I have decided to write about the horrid experience I had while working for Pizza Hut. I had no experience in any food service before applying. That said I was wanting something different than the crappy retail experiences I have been known for. So one day I went into a Pizza Hut and applied for a delivery driver position. After about five minutes of talking about what kind of car I drove (literally that was the interview process), I was officially a Pizza Slut delivery driver.

               Let’s get something out of the way. If you do not tip your driver you’re an asshole! I don’t care if the pizza order was messed up, or if it was a few minutes late. Always tip your driver at least a couple of bucks! This is simply because we earn money just like servers in restaurants do. Our checks pay our taxes, the only income we really earn is based on the tips we bring in. We pay for our own gas and maintenance. Aside from the $1.00 we received for each time we left the store.

               I want to share a few shorter stories about my time as a delivery driver. The first being about a guy that even to this day I refer to as the ranch guy. This complete fat ass lived 5.3 miles away from the store meaning a round trip just to him was over ten miles. In the car I had at the time that meant almost a gallon of gas, and at least twenty minutes with traffic. Well, I had been delivering for about a month when an order came in for some buffalo wings and a two liter of Pepsi for this fat porker. I make the wings myself as I was between deliveries, and it was much easier than prepping the pizza dough. I grab the Pepsi from the back of the cooler and head out.

               I arrive at his house and knock on his door and wait. I waited about a minute before knocking once again, finally after a few minutes and still no answer at the door I proceeded to call the number for the order on my cell phone. The fat fucker chews me out for calling him and tells me he will be at the door in a few minutes. When he finally answers he is wearing stained gym shorts and absolutely no shirt unless you count his sweaty hairy chest as some kind of grimy natural wool sweater. I hand over his wings and soda, and he opens the wing box. He then starts screaming that I “forgot” his extra ranch. I then tell him that the order only comes with one and that when ordering it asks you if you would like more for $0.25 each. He demands that I give him more ranch and says that he cannot eat his wings without extra ranch. He refused to pay and called the store. My boss told me to come back to store to pick up a couple more for him, to which I refused. The man refused to pay or tip, and I wouldn’t be paid for a return trip. I also would be using up more gas, and taking another twenty minutes just on this fucker. So I refused, and the man got free wings, with no ranch. After I left Pizza Hut I did drive by his place and put a bottle of Hidden Valley on his doorstep with a note saying, “ Here is your ranch asshole” (This was about five months after the whole incident but totally worth it)

               Another short story I wanted to share about my time with Pizza-Hut is about a regular we had. He would order one large pepperoni a double order of cheese bread and a two-liter of Mt. Due every Friday at 6PM. The guy also lived a bit away from the store and NEVER tipped. I know some of the drivers would mess with his food, but as I am always worried about it happening to me I never chose to do what was considered the norm around the store. Instead after about my fifth or sixth delivery to the guy without ever receiving a tip I would take his pizza out of the thermal bag, open the box, and roll my window down to let his food get cold. That’s right if you are an asshole, I can be too.

               I have another much longer story about Pizza Hut I want to share, but I am going to wait a few weeks to collect some feedback and go over the analytics of this story first. While I have a love-hate relationship with retail, there is absolutely no love for me in the food service industry.


Thank you all for reading, and I apologize for the delay this week. I started classes again last week and had a very important exam on Tuesday that required me to spend an excess amount of time preparing. I am hoping that this semester goes by quickly and that I can focus more on the site. – Rex