Dear crazy couponers, no I do not mean the polite and respectful people. Nor is this for the sweet older people who rely on coupons to make ends meet. No you guys are alright. In fact, we actually tend to like you and have no problem helping you or answering questions.

   However, if you are the type of couponer who arrives half an hour before the store opens binder in hand and demands to be let in early then this is for you. Maybe you were raised by animals, or perhaps your parents just were too lazy to inform you that you are not the only one in the world. We dread your presence, not because you are going to hold up our lines and put us behind. Instead, we dread your coming because we know that means you are going to be a complete bitch about every single thing. For instance, I would like to share what you all do to piss us off.

  • Using photocopied coupons. Each coupon you print from home will have a unique number under the barcode. We tell you multiple times that scanning a coupon and copying it is a crime and that we are not taking them and yet you still return every week and try to do it all over again. Hell, now we keep both copies of the coupons and tell you we are not using either one, and yet you still try to plead innocence. Bullshit THIS IS THEFT!

  • Using multiple reward cards. This really pisses us off. If an offer is one per household your damned right that we are going to limit your ass. Yet you still complain and occasionally call corporate. We seriously hate you!

  • Opening a “store” out of your house. We see this quite often on Craigslist, and loss prevention is keeping tabs on you. This really wouldn’t be a problem if you were not putting in your ads that they can return the stuff they buy from you to our store for cash. No receipt means no cash!

  • Returning couponed items without a receipt. Look we know you, we may not have sold the item to you but we know for a fact you did not pay full price. So we will continue to refuse the return without the receipt or we will call up other stores to look up the receipt to ensure we do not give you more than your lying ass paid.

   To all the crazy couponers out there, my message to you is simple. We hate you. We are cracking down, and we are even turning in those using photocopied coupons for fraud to the police department. Knowingly using falsified of copied coupons is a form of fraud. You are actually stealing money, because we are not reimbursed for any coupons that have already been redeemed. If you are one of these people I really urge you to reevaluate your life as you are no better than a shoplifter. Go fuck yourselves!

* I apologize for the delays and retracted stories. I am trying to balance my college life, work, this, and my stock portfolio and it all has been a bit much. I am trying to find a balance and I think the best medium for me is to move stories to Wednesdays, as that is my day off.